Letters to Myself

 If I had the I life I wanted. what would today look like?

It would start with me sitting in a cozy café, writing while sipping a hot latte, my absolute favorite coffee. Afterward, I would wander around the city, or perhaps catch a flight to a completely different country. I would fully enjoy the journey, typing away on my laptop as the clouds pass by the airplane window.

In this life, I would constantly meet new people, share deep conversations, and gather new lessons from every soul I cross paths with. I would share these perspectives on my social media, hoping to inspire others. I would spend hours reading, freely buying every book that catches my eye. And most importantly, I would run a free English course for children who don't have the financial means to afford one, teaching them, sharing with them, and opening doors for their future. That's it. That would be my perfect day.

 What and who is worth suffering for?*

Before my dark era arrived, I always put other people before myself. But then, I realized that when I needed help, they couldn't be there for me. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, in the end, I could only rely on myself. I was so angry and disappointed back then because nobody was by my side, and nobody understood the things that I myself didn't even comprehend. It also made me mad when people tried to explain things to me that I could no longer make sense of. The feelings were just too hard to describe.

Day by day, I chose to walk alone. I asked myself a thousand questions, trying to truly understand who I was. Then, without even realizing it, I slowly fell in love with myself and my life again.

So, when asked this question, I will answer loudly: YOURSELF!

You have to fight for yourself, for your life, and for your dreams, not for anyone else. Maybe we can choose to suffer for others at times, but look at how it ends. People come and go, right? Ultimately, you have to come back to yourself. You are the only one who will always be there, standing by your own side.

So, please, love and respect yourself. Say thank you to yourself before you close your eyes at night.

Hi myself, 

Thank you for surviving and fighting today. 

You did so well, and I'm proud of you. 

I love you.

*) Brianna Wiest 101 Essays that will Change the way You Think (p. 138)

Am I truly doing the best I can right now?

This question forces me to pause. Am I living for myself, or am I still reacting to the expectations of the world?

After going through a dark era in my life, I am finally trying to focus on myself and do what I truly want to do. For example, on my journey to mastering English, I know I still have so much to learn. There is still a vast ocean of information out there that I haven't discovered yet. But this time, I actually enjoy the process. I am not doing it because of my circumstances or because of external pressure. I am doing it because my inner self needs it.

I am doing my best right now, and I am choosing to surrender the results. Either way, I love my progress and I am proud of myself. Thank you for surviving and learning through every single season. 

Based on your daily routines, where will you be in five years? Ten? Twenty?

Looking at my daily routines, I see myself becoming a blogger, an English teacher, and a digital content creator. I know I am not a native speaker, but I have a deep love for English. I love learning it, and more than that, I love sharing it.

There is something magical about English for me. It gives a voice to everything in my mind. For some reason, when I write and speak in English, I can be more honest, vulnerable, and truly myself. I don't know exactly why, but it feels like home. That is the future I am building toward, one daily routine at a time. I truly hope it comes true.

Halo semua, selamat malam.

Sebelum melangkah memasuki hari Senin, aku ingin meluangkan waktu sejenak untuk merefleksikan minggu ini.

Satu hal yang paling aku syukuri dalam seminggu terakhir adalah kesempatan untuk berkumpul dan bercengkerama kembali dengan teman-teman kerja lama. Kami mengobrol ke sana kemari, tertawa, bahkan sampai berpindah tempat nongkrong. Rasanya lumayan sekali untuk melepas penat sekaligus rindu karena cukup lama tak bertemu. Mendengar celotehan mereka soal dinamika pekerjaan masing-masing menjadi hiburan tersendiri untukku. 

Aku juga sangat bersyukur dengan hari Minggu kali ini. Aku bisa melaluinya dengan santai, tanpa beban berat untuk menjemput hari Senin. Menikmati Minggu yang damai seperti ini sungguh kontras dengan apa yang sering aku alami di tempat kerja sebelumnya. Dulu, aku sering kali dilanda stres setiap hari Minggu. Aku jarang bisa menikmati hari libur dari gawai (gadget), karena dari Minggu sore menuju malam, pesan-pesan instruksi untuk esok hari sudah ramai bertebaran di grup kerja.

Oh iya, ada satu momen menarik yang tertangkap mataku saat sedang berkumpul bersama teman-temanku kemarin. Aku melihat seorang anak yang mengajak ibunya makan bersama. Setelah selesai makan, anak itu meminta ibunya berpose lalu mengabadikannya dengan kamera. Melihat beberapa pose yang berhasil difoto itu, entah mengapa ada rasa hangat yang tiba-tiba menyusup ke dalam hatiku. Momen sederhana, tapi begitu penuh kasih. Semoga Mamah mau juga ya diajak begini nanti. 

Ya... meski hari Mingguku terasa hangat, tetap saja ada bumbu kekesalan kecil karena di sepanjang jalan ketika berkumpul bersama teman-teman itu banyak sekali tukang parkir yang bermunculan, hehe.

Kalau minggu ini, bagaimana dengan ceritamu? Adakah hal manis yang bisa kamu syukuri, atau justru ada hal kecil yang sempat bikin kamu kesal?

Selamat bertemu hari Senin!