I Don't Know with Myself
I don’t know why, but I feel like something is completely messed up. My mind, my mood, and everything. I have a one-week holiday for Eid al-Adha, but instead of resting, I feel this heavy weight. It’s as if I have so much to say, yet I can’t find the words for it. I long for a friend, someone to dive into a deep conversation with, but there is no one around. Whenever this season of emptiness comes, I find myself drowning in self-blame, simply because I don’t know how to fix it. So, instead of desperately searching for answers, I just sit here and let myself feel the discomfort. When night falls, closing my eyes feels like an impossible task. My mind speaks so loudly, replaying everything on a loop, and I can't find the switch to turn it off. So, I just stare at the ceiling until midnight catches up with me and sleep finally takes over. Consequently, I’ve been waking up late. For the past two days, I’ve overslept and almost missed my Fajr prayer. I look at myself and wonder what is ...