Letters to Myself

What makes you feel better after crying?

For me, the thing that makes me feel better after crying is sleeping. I don't know why, but this is the best way for me to feel relaxed. After crying a lot, I always feel sleepy, and that's why I usually go to my bed and sleep. And you know? It feels like the best sleep ever.

I think there is something comforting about sleeping after crying. Maybe after letting all my emotions out, my body just needs to rest. I don't need to think about the problem for a while. I just close my eyes and let myself rest.

This reminds me of what Allah says in the Qur'an:

“Then, after the grief, He sent down a sense of security upon you, a sleep overtaking some of you..."

(QS. Ali 'Imran: 154)

I don't know if I can fully explain why, but this verse always feels close to me. Sometimes, after crying and feeling overwhelmed, sleep feels like a small form of peace that Allah gives me.

I can sleep for two hours, and when I wake up, I usually feel better. The problem may still be there, but somehow, it doesn't feel as heavy as before. It feels like I can breathe again and face my problems with a calmer mind.

Maybe crying helps me release what I have been holding inside, while sleeping gives me the chance to rest from it for a while. And sometimes, that's all I need.

What about you? What makes you feel better after crying?

What makes your job meaningful to you?

The first thing that makes a job meaningful to me is when my job can have an impact on society.

I love teaching, especially teaching English, because I know that many people out there don't have access to learning English. That's why I built Teras English, a free English course for children in my hometown. I'm so happy when my students say that this course helps them improve their English. Even though the impact may not be big, I'm happy to know that I can contribute something. For me, sometimes a small impact can still mean something.

The second thing is that I love writing. Why? Because through writing, I can share the things that come to my mind. It feels like I can release my overthinking through words. I love sharing good things, experiences, and thoughts, and I hope the readers can get something from my writing. Maybe my words cannot change someone's life, but if they can make someone feel understood or give them a new perspective, that is already meaningful to me.

Another thing that makes a job meaningful to me is when we can work while upholding honesty and integrity. I want to work in an environment where there is no corruption, unhealthy politics, or unnecessary competition. I believe people should be able to respect each other, understand each other's boundaries, and work together in a healthy environment. For me, a meaningful job is not only about what we do, but also about how we do it.

And, of course, I also think that a meaningful job should provide a sense of security. The salary should be paid on time, and there should be clear boundaries and responsibilities according to the contract. I don't want to constantly worry about whether my salary will be paid or whether there will suddenly be additional work outside the contract.

So, for me, a meaningful job is not simply about earning money. It is about having an impact, expressing myself, working with honesty and respect, and having enough stability to do my work well.

What about you? 

Hello! Good evening, and be ready for tomorrow, Monday. Hihii.

As usual, there are many things that I wanna share with you about this week.

First, I'm so grateful for this week because:

1. I could meet my therapist offline last Monday and also had an online session this morning. Even though I'm so sad because, based on the assessment result, I still have severe depression and also a tendency toward the bipolar spectrum. But I'm trying to accept it little by little. I know that this is something that I need to face, not something that I have to be ashamed of.

2. I got enough time to consider whether I should continue teaching at my school or not. After thinking about it for more than one week, I decided that I need to leave the school. My energy has been easily drained lately, and I realize that I need more time to recover myself. I need to listen to myself more and give my mind some space to rest.

3. My parents are very supportive of me. I'm really grateful because, this time, they understand that I need to prioritize myself and my recovery. Having their support makes me feel less alone in dealing with all of this.

4. Because I'm in a manic phase, many ideas come to my mind. And then, boom! I created a new program on my blog called "What They Have to Say." Alhamdulillah, and I'm proud of myself. Even though sometimes my mind feels too crowded with ideas, I'm also learning that some of those ideas can become something meaningful.

5. I still have many friends who love and care about me. Sometimes I forget how blessed I am to have people who are willing to listen to me, stay beside me, and remind me that I don't have to go through everything alone.

6. He called me first, and we argued about psychologists because, for him, this was the first time he knew about my condition. At first, it was quite emotional because I had to explain many things. But after I explained a lot about what I've been going through, I somehow felt lega and tenang aja gitu. At the end, he said, "Syafakillah" for my condition. Somehow, those simple words meant something to me.

7. I could close this week by having a conversation with my best friend since MTs (Junior High School). It was really nice to talk about our memories, our lives, and how much we've changed.

The challenges that I faced this week:

1. Of course, I have to deal with this condition. With my mood, my brain, and also my feelings. They sometimes feel like they're going in different directions. So, sometimes I'm overwhelmed by this condition. There are moments when I don't understand myself, and I have to remind myself to be patient with the process.

2. I have to take a risk by leaving that school. Realizing that my current condition doesn't allow me to handle too many things at once is not easy. I need much more time to release myself, to talk with myself more, and to focus on my recovery instead of working. My therapist said that I have to avoid multitasking. And I know that when I have two jobs, my brain can't stop thinking, and it hurts me a lot. So, maybe choosing myself this time is not giving up. Maybe it's actually one of the ways I take care of myself.

3. During my meeting with my best friend, we talked about our Junior High School era. At that time, we felt like we were on the same page, starting from the same line. But then, when we graduated from college, everything became different. I thought about my ex-best friend and how, with her privileges, she can go abroad wherever she wants, watch K-pop idol concerts, have a good job, and continue her master's degree. For a moment, I compared my life with hers. But then, I realized that I don't have to be jealous of her life. Her journey is hers, and mine is mine. We may have started from the same place, but Allah doesn't promise that our paths will be the same. Because in His eyes, only taqwa can be the differentiator. Not because you're rich, you've been abroad, you have a good job, or you have achieved certain things in life. Maybe my life looks different right now. And that's okay.

This week, I've got many lessons that I have to learn and also some homework from my therapist that I have to do. But I'm so grateful because I can take better care of myself and love myself more.

Maybe healing is not always about becoming stronger. Sometimes, healing is about admitting that you're tired, giving yourself permission to rest, and choosing not to force yourself to keep going when you actually need to stop.

Hi, Ihat.

Thank you for holding on to this life.

I know this condition is out of your control, but please stay. Don't give up.

Remember, this condition is temporary, and you still have a blooming season.

You don't have to rush.

You don't have to become someone else.

Wait for your season, and keep growing into the best version of yourself.

One day, you'll look back and realize that choosing to stay was one of the bravest things you've ever done.

For now, just take it one day at a time.

You are still here.

And that's already something to be grateful for.

Alhamdulillah. 

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What They Have to Say

One Person. One Story. One Lesson 

What They Have to Say adalah program wawancara mingguan dari Hisolihat yang menghadirkan cerita, pengalaman, pandangan, dan pelajaran dari berbagai orang dengan latar belakang yang berbeda.

Setiap hari Minggu, saya akan mengajak satu orang untuk berbagi cerita tentang perjalanan mereka—mulai dari membangun usaha, menjalani pekerjaan, mengejar impian, menghadapi kegagalan, belajar hal baru, melewati masa sulit, hingga menemukan hal-hal kecil yang membuat hidup lebih berarti.

Saya percaya bahwa setiap orang memiliki cerita yang layak didengarkan. Tidak harus menjadi tokoh terkenal, memiliki pencapaian besar, atau memiliki kehidupan yang sempurna. Terkadang, pelajaran yang paling berarti justru datang dari pengalaman sederhana orang-orang di sekitar kita.

Melalui What They Have to Say, saya ingin menghadirkan lebih dari sekadar wawancara. Saya ingin pembaca menemukan sudut pandang baru, mendapatkan tips yang bisa diterapkan, dan mungkin menemukan sedikit inspirasi atau keberanian dari cerita orang lain untuk menjalani perjalanan mereka sendiri.

Jika kamu tertarik untuk menceritakan kisahmu dan bisa dijadikan sebuah lesson untuk orang lain, kamu bisa menghubungi via email hisolihat@gmail.com. 

Setiap Minggu, satu cerita baru akan hadir di Hisolihat.

One Person. One Story. One Lesson Every Sunday.

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Identitas Buku

Judul : Hargai Diri Sendiri dan Berhentilah Tersakit

Penulis : Yoo Eun-Jung

Penerjemah : Ratnadya Thurfa

Tahun Terbit : Cetakan ketiga, November 2022

Halaman : 225 hal

Penerbit : Gramedia Pustaka Utama, Jakarta

Blurb

Luka hati selalu disebabkan oleh orang-orang yang paling dekat dengan kita. Semakin kita membuka diri dalam sebuah relasi, semakin rentan kita tersakiti. Ingin menyenangkan orang lain, berusaha keras memenuhi standar mereka, kita pun berharap mendapat timbal balik yang setara, bahkan lebih. Sayangnya, kenyataan berkata lain.

Namun, mestikah kita menutup diri dari semua relasi dalam hidup kita? Menjadi dingin dan apatis hingga melewatkan kesempatan untuk menjalani hidup yang menyenangkan?

Yoo Eun-Jung, lewat pengalamannya sebagai psikiater, telah bertemu banyak pasien yang terluka hatinya karena relasi dengan keluarga, teman, kolega, dan pasangan. Dalam buku ini, ia menuliskan "resep psikologis" untuk melindungi diri dan perasaan kita sendiri dalam sebuah relasi. Sebuah penguat bagi orang-orang muda untuk mencapai kemandirian emosi, dengan belajar mengenai diri sendiri, berfokus pada perasaan sendiri, dan menyampaikan kebutuhannya kepada orang lain. 

Sebab, siapa lagi yang bisa menjadi pendukung terbaik bagi diri kalau bukan kita sendiri?

Tiga Insight Utama

1. Jika kita tidak berkata apa-apa, orang lain tidak akan tahu kalau kita terluka. Tak ada tersangka, yang ada hanya korban. Jadi, jangan takut menjadi seseorang yang aktif. Jangan berbaik hati pada orang lain, tetapi tidak pada diri sendiri. 
2. Mengapa kita membenci dan menyalahkan diri sendiri? Diri kita sudah cukup menarik. Hidup berjalan sesuai pemikiran kita. Singkirkanlah pesan-pesan yang menyalahkan diri sendiri. Kita tidak perlu melabeli kehidupan kita sendiri. Hidup bukan "satu-satunya kesempatan", tapi "hanya sekali."
3. Tidak ada seorang pun di dunia ini yang tidak layak. Setiap orang memiliki kekuatan masing-masing, jadi tidak perlu membandingkan dirimu dengan orang yang lebih baik dan menjauhkan kualifikasimu sendiri. 

Refleksi Pribadi

Membaca buku ini seperti sedang diajak untuk melihat kehidupan orang lain, lalu kita bisa menemukan makna di balik cerita tersebut dan diakhiri dengan tips-tips supaya kita tidak jatuh di lubang yang sama. Dalam buku ini, kamu akan diajari bagaimana caranya mencintai dan menghormati dirimu sendiri, serta berhenti menjadikan dirimu sendiri sebagai orang yang paling tersakiti sedunia.

Ada satu hal yang cukup membuatku banyak berpikir setelah membaca buku ini: terkadang kita terlalu sibuk memahami perasaan orang lain sampai lupa memahami perasaan diri sendiri. Kita berusaha menjadi orang yang baik, tidak ingin mengecewakan orang lain, takut dianggap egois, hingga akhirnya kebutuhan diri sendiri selalu berada di urutan terakhir.

Buku ini mengingatkanku bahwa menjaga perasaan orang lain bukan berarti kita harus mengorbankan diri sendiri. Kita tetap boleh mengatakan tidak, menyampaikan bahwa kita terluka, menetapkan batasan, dan memilih menjauh dari sesuatu yang terus-menerus membuat kita kehilangan ketenangan. Menjadi baik kepada orang lain seharusnya tidak membuat kita berhenti bersikap baik kepada diri sendiri.

Aku juga merasa buku ini mengajak kita untuk berhenti terlalu keras kepada diri sendiri. Ada kalanya kita melakukan kesalahan, mengambil keputusan yang kurang tepat, atau berada dalam hubungan yang ternyata tidak sehat. Namun, pengalaman tersebut tidak otomatis menjadikan kita sebagai orang yang gagal. Kita tetap bisa belajar, memperbaiki diri, dan melanjutkan hidup tanpa harus terus-menerus menghukum diri sendiri atas apa yang sudah terjadi.

Menurutku, belajar menghargai diri sendiri bukan berarti menjadi seseorang yang egois atau tidak peduli dengan orang lain. Justru, ketika kita mulai memahami kebutuhan dan batasan diri, kita bisa membangun hubungan yang lebih sehat dengan orang-orang di sekitar kita. Kita tidak lagi mencintai orang lain karena takut kehilangan mereka, tetapi karena memang ingin berbagi kehidupan tanpa kehilangan diri sendiri.

Buku ini sangat direkomendasikan untuk kamu yang masih dalam perjalanan menyembuhkan dan berdamai dengan traumamu, sedang belajar membangun batasan dalam hubungan, atau akhir-akhir ini merasa irritated dengan banyak hal di sekitarmu.

Mungkin, terkadang yang kita butuhkan bukan menjadi lebih kuat untuk terus bertahan, tetapi belajar bertanya kepada diri sendiri: “Apakah aku masih memperlakukan diriku dengan baik?”

Karena pada akhirnya, kita akan menjalani hidup ini bersama diri kita sendiri. Jadi, jangan sampai kita menjadi orang yang paling kita cintai untuk orang lain, tetapi menjadi orang yang paling sering kita sakiti untuk diri sendiri.