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| Photo by Anna Tarazevich |
Yesterday was a hard day for me. I felt out of sorts, sluggish, unable to open my hand to the day’s offerings. Perhaps it was just the cumulative weight of things unknown and things missing. I couldn’t name it and that’s why I went to write. Not to clarify things, but simply to release them.
Sometimes, I feel like I spend my days living with my head in the past or the future, forgetting about the present. When I do this, I miss out on the moment that’s right in front of me. A moment that could be filled with joy or peace. A moment where I could be fully engaging with my family or friends, focusing completely on what I’m doing, or simply observing the beauty of the world around me.
Maybe that’s why I often find myself complaining about life.
One of my friends once said,
“Don’t fight the current. Just follow the flow, be sincere, and let go. The more you fight it, the more exhausted you’ll become.”
Another friend told me,
“Why don’t you allow yourself to be a beginner? Try to accept who you are and where you are now. If you’re in a new environment, it’s normal to be a beginner who doesn’t know much yet.”
“Everyone starts somewhere. The people who seem to be doing well today also went through this phase before. Don’t compare your journey with others. Focus on your own process. Everything takes time.”
I went silent after hearing their words. The more I resisted my current situation, denying where I was and forcing myself to be capable right away, the heavier I felt. I didn’t give myself the space to move slowly. I couldn’t run, and even walking felt difficult.
Learning to accept what I have now hasn’t been easy. It took days, even weeks, to train myself to truly accept and make peace with the destiny that Allah has planned for me. But when I finally did, something magical happened. Life that once felt heavy slowly became lighter. Small things started to feel meaningful again, like the presence and support of my parents. Maybe it’s because I’ve learned to say, “Okay, this is just a part of my life, part of my process. Nothing is permanent, and everything in this dunya is temporary.”
Of course, I’m still learning. There are days when I face old triggers and start blaming myself again. But the intensity has decreased, and now I can handle those uncomfortable emotions better.
I’ve started to accept both my strengths and weaknesses. I’ve realized that everyone has their own flaws. No one is truly “better” than others, because in the end, we are all just Allah’s creation: we are weak.
Learning to enjoy the process is hard. There are still moments when I ask myself, “What if I fail? What will people say?” But now, those doubts are answered with calm: “If you fail, it’s okay. Try again.”
No one succeeds in just one try. It takes dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of attempts before success finally comes.
So for now, I remind myself
Just live in the present moment. You can’t live in the past because you can’t change it. And you can’t live in the future either because it’s not guaranteed to come.
Love,
Solihat
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10 Comments
Benar banget, manusia itu selalu takut gagal. Tapi lebih menakutkan kalau tidak berusaha ya
ReplyDeleteI think you are in the process of becoming better, and everyone faces problems in their own way. Me too, I see that life is boring without meaning. But keep walking or running; just don’t give up or merely survive. The problems we face in life are not always caused by us; sometimes they come from external factors — for example, when our country fails to provide us with a good life.
ReplyDeleteBenar. Menurutku kalau kita sudah terlalu khawatir akan masa depan, salah satu hal yang bisa dilakukan adalah dengan mengingat Kalau Allah sudah menjadi rezeki kita masing-masing dan yakin Allah memiliki rencana terbaik untuk kita
ReplyDeleteYes, I totally agree. I'm also trying to focus on living in the present, trying to forget the past and not thinking about what will happen in the future. Sometimes, surrender and surrender are calming.
ReplyDeleteA little reminder for myself too. We should living the moment and don't overthinking everything.
ReplyDeleteNah ini bener banget, aku pun juga begitu. Alih-alih kita kembali ke masa lalu, atau terlarut dalam masa lalu, ya kenapa kita tidak fokus ke masa depan? Toh yang kita hadapi juga masa depan. Biarkan masa lalu menjadi bagian yang membentuk kita, bukan yang merusak kita. Uhuy! Spontaaaaannn~
ReplyDeleteKadang bukan takut gagal sih. Tapi karena kalo gagal ngga ada kesempatan lagi buat nyoba. Jadi saat mencoba sesuatu perlu mempertimbangkan banyak aspek.
ReplyDeleteBeen there. We can't please everyone around us. Sometimes, simply living in the moment helps us become the people we're meant to be.
ReplyDeleteMenulis seperti ini itu healing banget ya. Kalau dilakukan tiap hari udah kayak journaling. Bantu banget dalam mengenali diri sendiri dan meredakan emosi.
ReplyDeleteHal yang sulit memang buat menerima, jadi menyangkal keadaan yang ada. Daku setuju juga dengan hal: "anggap diri kita ini pemula", dengan begitu kita akan terus belajar dalam segala hal
ReplyDelete