I know I still face many struggles since depression entered my life. It is so hard for me to wake up early, or even to stay awake after the Shubuh prayer. I usually prefer to go back to sleep. I don't know why, but I just feel so exhausted and sleepy all day long.
Yesterday, as usual, I taught my teenage student. She was beaming with happiness because she was finally accepted into Sekolah Maung in my city. She told me that all her hard work had finally paid off. Before class began, she shared her story: how she did everything she could to make her dream come true. She studied, she prayed, she woke up for Tahajjud, and she even made a promise to complete her Quran recitation if she got in.
Listening to her made me think about my own dream of studying abroad. Have I given enough effort to reach it? Why do I feel too tired to pursue it lately? Things like practicing for the IELTS, exercising in the morning, or researching information feel so heavy. With only one year left for preparation, a year feels so short, and I feel like I'm on the verge of giving up. I don't know why.
I keep wondering: is this my depression speaking, or am I just being lazy? But when I look back at my past, whenever I wanted to achieve something, I would give it my all. So I think the truth is simply that I am deeply, completely exhausted. That is why my body and mind need much more rest than usual right now.
Hi Ihat, Don’t rush. Take your time. Take all the time you need with yourself so you can truly hear what your soul wants. Keep going. It is completely okay to take small steps. That’s okay. I am so proud of you.
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