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| Photo by Anna Tarazevich |
I really didn't know myself at that time.
When I got the invitation, my first thought was, I can't do both at the same time. So, I chose to let one go.
Then, I made a decision. One so reckless that it made my manager angry with me. When she asked to discuss it again, she eventually uncovered something I had been hiding, something even I didn't fully understand.
I cried in front of her. I poured out all of my fears about the future. The fears that might never even happen. She just listened. She understood the reasons behind my decision, reasons I counld't even put it into words before.
Afterward, my friend told me, "You live in the future." She was right. I was overthinking things that weren't even certain. She had been in my position before, so she understood me deeply. She reminded me to live in the present. Not in the past. Not in the future. She said that I was putting everything on my plate at once. And that's way I felt so suffocated.
Later, when I called him yesterday, I was so angry about his decision. I tried to calm myself, but deep down, the only things I wanted to hear from him was.
"Will you wait for me? So I'll save what I have and find a way to bring you here."
When I started talking about random things, he told me I was overthinking. At that moment, I denied it. But eventually, I realized. He was right. I was overthinking. Overthingking means I've been living in the future.
"All these decisions that I implemented are for you. You shouldn't lie to yourself. Think about it wisely and clearly. It's about you and your future. Think wisely and see what works for you."
What makes me so grateful is that he never leaves me. No matter what state I'm in. I know my life feels messy. I'm trying to fix it, to embrace it, and to accept it. But, it's not as easy as people say. I still go through trial and error, but he always says, "That's okay."
Now, I'm teaching myself to stay in the present. To aprreciate what I have right now. To focus on what I'm doing now. Not to worry too much about the future, and not to regret what has already happened in the past. Because I can't control the future and I can't change the past.
Hi, Ihat
I know this isn't easy for you. Please, be patient. Everything will bloom in the right time. Don't rush. Slow down. Accept what is, focus on what matters now. You don't have to compete with anyone else's life. It's just you! Only you. Compare yourself only with you were yesterday. Keep going, even if it's just one small step each day.
"It doesn't matter if there are mistakes. What matters is that you are on the right path. We all make mistakes, but we must not fail. We must continue moving forward."
Then, he said,
"The nice thing I like about you is that you accept advice."
Hmm..hm...
Love.
Ihat
15 Comments
Hidup di masa sekarang lebih susah dibanding sebelumnya. Karena sebelumnya baik baik saja dan sekarang kacau...
ReplyDeleteBetul sekali kak :')
DeleteLiving in present memang merupakan tantangan tersendiri ya kak, karena menoleh ke masa lalu atau mengawang di masa depan terkadang begitu menggoda.
ReplyDeleteBetul sekali Kak, lagi coba fokus pemikiran-pemikiran if if and if selalu bermunculan hihii
DeleteIya kita sering overthingking tentang masa depan, sampai-sampai mengabaikan kondisi sekarang. Tapi serba salah, kalau kita nggak mikirin masa depan, kadang apa yang dilakukan sekarang, kayak nggak terencana.
ReplyDeleteAseli Mbak, dilema banget. Mungkin porsinya jangan kebanyakan buat mikirin masa depan
Deletekadang memang overthinking membuat kita mengkhawatirkan banyak hal ya padahal sebaiknya kita fokus pada kehidupan yang sekarang aja
ReplyDeleteBetul Mbak, lagi coba terus dipraktikkan huhuu
DeleteAgree!
ReplyDeleteWe don't have to compete with anyone else's life. It's just me! Only me. Compare yourself only with you were yesterday ya...
Lets keep going, even if it's just one small step each day. the interesting is everlasting
trust, that everything will bloom in the right time. Don't rush. Slow down. Accept what is, focus on what matters now, right?
Jangan menengok ke belakang terlalu sering. Sesekali saja, karena hidup berjalan tak peenah mundur dia akan maju terus...
ReplyDeleteLivin prensent is easy to say but it's hard to do it. Sometimes we're too regret something in behind, and sometimes we're too worried about what lies ahead. Then, we end up forgetting about today.
ReplyDeleteThank you for remembering us about this 'smallest things' 🥹🥹
Nice share, ini relate sama aku. Thanks ya mbakkk.
ReplyDeleteSesekali kita boleh menoleh ke belakang untuk mengambil pelajaran, jangan melihat terlalu lama. Masa kini yang harus dijalani, masa depan pun masih misteri. Terus belajar, bertumbuh dan berproses. Jangan sesali masa lalu dan lakukan yang terbaik hari ini.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy reading this contemplative article like this. It reminds us all that life is about the present moment. Planning is fine, of course. But don't dwell on possibilities that haven't happened yet, as this will prevent you from moving forward and shining.
ReplyDeleteaku bacanya jadi introspeksi diri, sedih karena ngeliatan keadaan sekitar seperti ini. living in the present sekarang sulit :( just try appreciate small things
ReplyDelete