This week has taught me a lot about life.
First, I decided to return to school. It was unpredictable. As you know, my plan was to study English hard to get a higher score. But then, I realized something: I only truly understand after I teach or share with other people. That is my learning style: learning by teaching.
I know this is not easy. In the morning, I have to go to school, and in the evening, I teach at the English course. Sometimes this routine makes me tired. My parents spoke to me and asked how I felt. For the first time, I felt truly cared for. They asked me, "Are you tired? Do you feel forced because of our family's condition?" But my answer was no. I just want to do it and learn to face my own fears.
Second, I don’t know how to express this properly, but even though I am the newest teacher at school, I love the environment and the principal. Based on my observations over these past two weeks, she doesn't just look at the results—she really appreciates the process itself. She never lets me feel alone.
Third, I met my former colleague, and she shared her situation with me. It made me so angry! She was yelled at by a stakeholder in front of many people. It was crazy! Even though this person is the child of an ustadz, they showed no manners (adab) at all. She cried in front of me while telling the story. This made me realize that just because someone is the child of a religious leader, it doesn't mean they have good character. Never judge a book by its cover!
What relieved me was that she finally resigned from that school. I tried to remind her that all her feelings are valid. She doesn't have to force herself to forgive them right away. She should give herself space to feel and process her emotions.
Finally, I want to say Alhamdulillah. Thank you, Allah, and thank you to myself. Thank you for letting yourself experience a new atmosphere. Thank you for trusting Allah’s plan, asking for His help in every situation, and leaving the results to Him. Everything happens for a reason and by His permission.
Thank you for treating yourself gently. You don't have to force yourself to be perfect all the time. Allow yourself to make mistakes, because making mistakes is normal and helps you learn. Remember, nobody is perfect.
Embrace every single part of your life. You cannot control everything, only Allah can.
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