It is strange how life works. When I stopped chasing things endlessly and simply focused on what I could control, everything felt lighter.
First, my friend texted me out of nowhere to check on me. She asked for my forgiveness for anything she might have done to upset me, about marriage and other things. She was genuinely shocked to know about my depression diagnosis and my psychiatric appointments.
Second, my parents gently brought up my relationship status tonight. They spoke so carefully that before I even realized it, I found myself opening up. I told them about how I was left in the past by someone who went on to marry another girl. I honestly thought I would be fine sharing it, but as the words left my mouth, my lips trembled, my breathing grew heavy, and my voice began to shake.
In that moment, a quiet realization hit me: Did I ever truly heal from this wound? Or did I just bury it under hard work, chasing my dreams relentlessly, and forgetting to ask myself what I actually want out of this life?
The truth is, I do want to get married. I want to have my own family. I want to be a wife and a mother. I don't want to spend my whole life feeling lonely; I want someone who will stand by my side and support me.
Deep down, my parents have been quietly trying to find someone to introduce to me. They believe that while they can rely on me, they should also help me find my person. Namanya juga ikhtiar, gak cuma bisa doa aja, they told me. Hearing those words touched me deeply. I felt so seen and supported. I am not walking this path alone; the people around me are quietly holding space for me.
I know I can’t wait until I am completely fine or fully healed to start living again. Healing isn't a final destination. It is a continuous journey. So as long as I am taking steps to heal every single day, why not open my heart to the possibilities ahead?
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